Redemption (Iris Series) Read online

  They both chuckled.

  “Can we have this for now?” she said in a small voice, showing her uncertainty. She pushed her hips into him again. “Just this. Holding each other, kissing. I’ll still be reflecting for the next 12 days, but can we have this, too? Not sex, just,” she paused, but didn’t finish her thought. “You make me feel better than I’ve ever felt with another man, Jon,” she whispered. “On every level. I want to feel connected to you in some way, and the way you touch me, the way you make me feel…” She blew out a breath and self-deprecating laugh. “It might help with my self-reflection.”

  He chuckled. “I fuckin’—” He started to say something, but then finished with, “think you’re the cutest thing in the world, you little sex goddess,” he stuttered, then swallowed.

  “That’s a good thing, right? I don’t want you to think,” she swallowed, too, “that I’m a slut.”

  He shook her face again with his hands. “You need to get that thinking out of your head, okay? Your past is done, and your future is open and ahead of you. All new for you to dictate how you want it to be. And I certainly wasn’t a monk, Yan. If you’re okay with what we’re doing right now, I’m okay with it, too.” He leaned down and kissed her softly. “Are you?”

  “Oh, yeah…” She hesitated. “I just don’t want you to think less of me.”

  “Why would I think less of you for wanting me? You twist me into knots, that’s how much I want you.” He ground his hips into her again. “So fucking beautiful. I can’t wait for Day 41, to be inside you when you come, baby. It’s gonna be incredible.”

  He was still hard as a rock and she felt a moment of guilt. He leaned against her on the door and waited for their breathing to calm, his nose nestled into her hair by her neck. His jaw was clenched tight and she reached up her hand to soothe it. He relaxed, but swallowed several times before he spoke.

  “Now, I should go,” he laughed as if he were in pain.

  “I’m sorry,” she said as she continued to stroke his jaw.

  “Don’t be. We’ll make it,” he whispered, then kissed her softly.

  She smiled sympathetically. “Thank you.” She rubbed his nose with hers.

  “You are so welcome,” he said back.

  “You poor thing.”

  “Not for long,” he muttered dryly. Ayanna smiled softly, thinking of her own decompression coming soon. “What time do you want to meet tomorrow?”

  “How about six to talk, then we’ll have dinner after that? That good?”

  “Perfect.” He kissed her on the nose. “What should I bring?”

  “Just your sexy self,” she said, her eyes still glittering.

  “No, that’s you.”

  He leaned down and kissed her softly again, then reached behind her to open the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

  “You got it, champ.” She stepped out of the way and let him open the door then he walked into the hall and turned back to her.

  “Bye, babe,” he said then walked away.

  She leaned against the door frame and watched him walk toward the elevator. Then she closed the door and dreamily slid to the floor.

  Chapter 10

  Ayanna slept like a baby that night. No dreams or interrupted sleep. Just complete and total rest.

  She spent Sunday cleaning, prepping the food she was making for dinner and catching up on her blog, trying to think of new writing ideas and pizza recipes.

  By 5:50 that evening, Ayanna had the tenderloin in the oven, the potatoes cut waiting to be roasted, the bacon resting, and the pears ready to be sautéed. She was just waiting for the guest of honor.

  A little before 6, the knock came, and she took off her apron, brushing down her shirt. She’d decided to go with casual since she would be cooking. A long fitted button down white shirt, with short cuffed sleeves, and skinny jean capris. She had her long hair piled on the top of her head with a claw clip.

  She calmed her excited breathing and padded to the door barefoot.

  She opened the door and thought, Mmm. He was so yummy. He wore the dark brown fitted slacks he wore the first time she’d met him, coupled with a pink and white plaid button down with the sleeves rolled up, and his trademark slip-ons on his feet.

  Gotta love a man who could wear pink.

  In his hands he carried a small vintage looking wooden crate housing rosemary, basil, and a myriad of other herbs. He had brought her an herb garden, along with a beautiful and expensive bottle of red wine.

  A bolt of warmth coursed through her. This man obviously knew the way to this woman’s heart was through her stomach.

  “Hi,” she smiled and stepped back to let him in. “Whatcha got there?” She peered into the crate.

  “Some spices for a spicy lady,” he said as he walked in.

  “Geez. First I’m crunchy, now I’m spicy. If you’re not careful, I’m gonna develop a complex.” She paused then took the small crate from his hands. “Thank you for this,” she said quietly with a smile. “It’s great. I love this box. But you know, I’m supposed to be thanking you for helping me with my portfolio. Hence the dinner. You’re not supposed to one up me and bring something, too,” she smiled.

  “It all made me think of you.” He shrugged. “Especially the rosemary. Whenever I smell rosemary, I think of you.”

  She blinked and tried not to blush. “Come on into the kitchen. I’ll pour you some of this exquisite wine you brought.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “You’ve got good taste, JBG.”

  She smiled sweetly at him and led him into the kitchen.

  “It smells incredible in here.”

  “Everything will be done soon. I figured we could talk in the living room, then I just need a few minutes to put together the side dishes and we’ll be good to go. That sound good?” She opened the wine and began pouring.

  “Sounds great. What are we having?”

  “Pork tenderloin served with a potato bacon salad, along with some sautéed pears. Dessert’s a surprise,” she said with a hit of a smile.

  “Dear Lord.” His eyes glazed over with hunger. “Can’t wait.” Before she could hand him his glass of wine, he took both glasses and put them on the counter behind her. “Let’s have an appetizer first.”

  He smiled that sexy half smile and trapped her hands behind her on the counter, then captured her mouth.

  She sighed, and in between his siege on her mouth, she said, “I’m sure glad we changed up our rules,” she murmured.

  He chuckled. “Agreed,” then he bent down and suckled her neck, inhaling her scent. “I love the shampoo you use. That’s what smells like rosemary.”

  “That’s because it’s made with it,” she whispered, wanting to grab his face and move his lips back to hers, but he still had his hands on hers planted on the counter. “I need your lips up here,” she said, moving her head trying to reclaim his mouth.

  “I’m enjoying my lips right where they are, actually,” he whispered against her neck, nipping at her skin. “And I’d like to remind you that you said your domain was the kitchen and mine was the bedroom. I’m only fulfilling your dream,” he murmured with a smile, and continued nibbling at her neck.

  “We are in the kitchen, champ which I believe is my domain,” she breathed out a laugh.

  “Yeah but this is a bedroom activity,” he corrected, his mouth now nibbling on her earlobe. This man was killing her. Slowly.

  “But we do have business to conduct, so…” He released her and stepped back.

  For a second she couldn’t see straight, her eyes were so fogged over in a sexual haze. All she wanted to do was jump him. Breathe, Ayanna. Breathe.

  She let out a cleansing breath, and grabbed her wine, taking three large gulps.

  He laughed. “Come on, sex goddess. Let’s look at your finances then I want you to feed me.” He took his wine and grabbed her hand with his, then walked them into the living room.

  They spent a good half an hour looking over her portfolio and the decisions
she’d made over the years. Once they had finished their talk, Jonathan looked at her proudly.

  “You continue to impress me, Miss Sarin. You’ve done a really good job with your portfolio, and have made some really smart decisions. Just a few tweaks here and there and it’s going to yield you a great return later.”

  “Well, thank you sir.” She couldn’t describe how good she felt when he praised her. It was so new to have a man in her life express positive thoughts to her that had nothing to do with sex.

  Ayanna went into the kitchen to finish up the preparation for the meal, and Jonathan leaned against the doorway to watch.

  “Thank you for making me dinner. I’m looking forward to eating it,” he said with a smile, taking another sip from his wine.

  “It’s my pleasure. I couldn’t wait to cook something in my own kitchen.” It didn’t take her long to artistically plate up the appropriate portion of food, and before long they were both sitting at her small dining table.

  Jonathan lifted his wineglass. “To a crunchy, spicy woman, whose sweet and creamy center I look forward to getting to know very much on Day 41.” He tapped her glass and gave her a sultry look.

  She squirmed under his scrutiny then laughed lightly. “Hear, hear,” she said, raising her glass.

  He took a bite of the pork with a small taste of pear, and his eyes rolled back into his head until they closed. He let out a moan.

  She watched him over her wineglass. She couldn’t believe how nervous she was. She knew she was a great cook, but she really wanted him to like her food. It was a very intimate thing to create a meal for someone, and it was sometimes nerve racking to hear the person on the receiving end judge a piece of your soul.

  “How is it?” she asked.

  He didn’t answer at first, but just kept chewing, savoring the tastes and flavors.

  After he swallowed, he opened his eyes and looked at her long and hard, then reached his hand across the short distance of the table to grab hers.

  “You’ve got talent, my little sex goddess, but you know that already. The kitchen is definitely your domain.” He let go of her hand. “This pork is so tender. The flavor is incredible.”

  She smiled, preening under his praise. “Thank you.”

  He took a bite of the potatoes with bacon. With the food in his mouth, he mumbled, “This is so good.” He took another bite.

  She was enjoying watching him eat. “I’m glad.”

  He took another bite and looked up at her. “You’re not eating?” he asked around his food.

  “I’m eating, I’m just thoroughly enjoying watching you eat.”

  He swallowed and dabbed at his mouth with the napkin. “I know the feeling. That’s how I felt when I was saying good night last night with you against the door,” he said, his voice taking on a husky quality. His eyes were hot on her face. “That little hitch in your breath, those fucking sexy sounds that come from the back of your throat. I thoroughly enjoy watching you.” His eyes darkened even more. “And I can promise you this, if you like watching me eat so much, you’re gonna love Day 41. You can watch while I feast on your naked body,” he finished, licking his lips. His eyes twinkled. “Now eat.”

  She swore she was having a hot flash at that moment. She decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. She speared a piece of tenderloin onto her fork and took a bite, letting the juices and vinaigrette linger on her lips, so she could make a show of licking them clean. “You know, JBG, you won’t be the only one feasting on a naked body.”

  He swallowed, his eyes gleaming with desire. “We need to change the subject if we’re going to make it through dinner.”

  She smiled, while she took her time licking the fork. “You started it.”

  “So.” His eyes glittered. “What else should we talk about?” he asked as he took another bite.

  “Why don’t you tell me the other half of the story,” she asked casually.

  He lifted an eyebrow up in question.

  “Of why you left Wall Street.” She raised her eyes and they latched onto his.

  He remained quiet and finished chewing his food before putting his fork down, and taking a moment to collect his thoughts.

  She took that moment to take a few bites before he began.

  “I graduated with a finance degree from Boston University in ‘05, and then got my MBA at Harvard in ‘07.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “Wow. A Hahvahd man,” she said in her best Boston accent, flattening the ‘a’ sound.

  He smirked. “I began working on Wall Street the following fall, and by the spring of 2008, I was doing well for myself.” He paused. “I was seriously dating a woman who worked for her father, and he was the CEO of a huge investment firm.”

  “Go on.” She encouraged quietly so he would continue.

  He sighed, and began reciting the story as if they were facts on a spreadsheet.

  “In the spring of that year, about six months before the crash in October of ‘08, I discovered she and her father were involved in some dealings that didn’t sit well with me. I confronted her, she accused me of being a pussy, I broke up with her, the crash happened, and then,” he took a breath, “I was done with Wall Street.”

  He sat back and took a sip of his wine.

  She watched him as he picked up his fork and continued eating. She cleared her throat to get his attention.

  “It must’ve been hard to discover the woman you were serious with wasn’t the woman you thought she was.”

  He finished chewing and dabbed at his mouth with the napkin. He sat back and looked at Ayanna, suddenly looking weary.

  “I think the disillusionment of those I worked with on Wall Street was probably harder, and isn’t that a telling statement,” he said dryly. “She was a charming woman, and when I look back now, I know I wasn’t in love with her. I was more in love with the idea of her. She appeared to be everything a guy would want. Beautiful, adaptable in all social settings, aggressive professionally, brilliant, independent. But when it came right down to it, she was a driven woman who cared only about reaching the top, no matter the cost. And I couldn’t live with that.”

  She looked at him tenderly, and when he noted her expression, his eyes said what?

  She leaned across the small table and kissed him. A soft, quiet kiss that he quickly turned into something more. The second his tongue touched hers, the kiss went to a whole new level. He reached up and cupped her face as his mouth made a meal out of hers. They licked and nibbled then she pulled back a bit.

  “I’m proud to know you, Jonathan White.”

  He had an ‘aw shucks’ look about him, and she continued.

  “Seriously. To have had all of that schooling, and then to make a decision like that, and to take an enormous cut in pay to teach? It shows the kind of man you are. I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision to make.”

  He looked touched. “It was easier than you think. I had a really hard time with how cavalier investors had become with other people’s money, so I started thinking maybe if people were taught early on how to manage their money, they could have a fighting chance against the sharks. So. That’s that.” He reached forward and kissed her quickly, then said, “Now let’s talk about happier things, like Day 41.”

  She chuckled and leaned back, taking her wineglass to her lips. Just before she took a sip, she murmured, “I would love to talk about Day 41 and all that comes with it. Do you think our hormones can handle it?” She took a sip from her glass, and made a show of licking her lips.

  His eyes watched her as they grew darker with lust.

  “You know, it’s just hit me that I’ve assumed you’ll want the same thing as me on Day 41, or that you would want to spend the day with me, but I’ve never really asked you,” Jonathan said with a little uncertainty, looking for some reassurance.

  “I think it is safe to say I only want to spend Day 41 and night with you,” she said, her eyes twinkling. “You tell me what you want to do on Day 41, and I’ll tel
l you how I feel about it.”

  He took a slow and deliberate sip from his wineglass while he sat back in his chair, appearing deep in thought.

  “I think we should go out to dinner first. Pick your favorite pizzeria, and we’ll go and have a slice of pizza. Then after that, no matter where we go,” he leaned forward and put his glass on the table, “I want to spend the rest of Day 41 deep inside you.” He moved his lips closer to her ear. “I want to make you scream,” he said in a murmur that dripped of sex. “I want to tie you down and thoroughly enjoy every nook and cranny of your gorgeous self. I want to give you so much pleasure that you’ll come several different ways, for hours.”

  She swallowed.

  He looked at her, his eyes glittering, his tone dead serious. There wasn’t a smile to be seen on his face. He meant every syllable of what he said.

  “That’s what I desperately want to do on Day 41. And I would be deeply honored, when you’ve had enough time to think through your decision, if you would choose me to be the man with whom you broke your fast,” he finished quietly.

  His eyes latched onto hers, those baby blues darkened with desire and anticipation, and she swore if he continued talking like that she would explode right there.

  She knew her face was flushed and she cleared her throat, blinking back unexpected tears.

  “Not only would I love for you to be that man,” she began, “but I’m also looking forward to you being deep inside me and making me scream, showing me a little of that control you keep telling me about,” she smiled softly. “But most of all,” she reached for his hand, “I can’t wait to be fully connected to you. In every way. I probably want that most of all.”

  He took her hand and brought it to his mouth, where he proceeded to take her finger and nibble on it, wrapping his lips around it to suck.

  “I can’t wait to show you a little of that control I keep talking about either,” he purred after he removed her finger from his mouth.